After the darkness comes the light

Psychotherapist Sonali Gupta’s book, ‘You Will Be All Right - A Guide to Navigating Grief,’ will help you understand what death does to you when a loved one passes away. It provides ways to cope with it.

By Shevlin Sebastian

Psychotherapist Sonali Gupta’s book, ‘You Will Be All Right — A Guide to Navigating Grief,’ begins with a quote by Elizabeth Gilbert, the bestselling author of ‘Eat, Pray Love,’: ‘It’s an honour to be in grief. It’s an honour to feel that much, to have loved that much.’

In the introduction, Sonali spoke about the intergenerational silence about death that exists in Indian families. And she gave an example.

Mayuri, 43, told Sonali, ‘This is the first time in years that I am crying while thinking about my mother’s death. I was six when my mother died in an accident. No one asked me how I felt or even tried to talk to me about what I was feeling. At home, there was sadness; yet my dad made it feel like life had to go on. I was not allowed to go to the funeral.’

Sonali begins the main section by clearing up some myths. For example, the belief that we only experience grief when we lose a loved one to death.

This was a fallacy. If you are not conceiving, you experience grief. The same is the case when a person is going through a separation or divorce, a break-up with a close friend, a miscarriage, infidelity, bankruptcy, and a loss of autonomy.

Here’s another myth that we all believe in: we will recover from grief and get over it as time passes.

But the author said that this is not true. ‘Unlike other emotions, which come and go, grief stays with us,’ she wrote. ‘It’s not a phase we get done with or move on from. David Kessler, an author and expert on grief, says that grief is not the flu, which we can recover from…. we learn to live with it.’

Grief causes many feelings to arise in you. A primary emotion is fear. How will life be now that the beloved has gone away?

Then there is anxiety. A patient Sujoy, who lost a brother, said, ‘I find myself worrying about everybody’s health. I’m constantly overthinking about my wife’s health. I’m anxious about my mum, who is fit and fine.’

Other feelings include anger, loneliness, isolation, emptiness, hopelessness and a longing for the loved one. But there is also relief, especially if the loved one is suffering from a long-standing illness or having mental issues like dementia or Alzheimer’s disease.

Alisha, a 35-year-old whose mother had dementia for four years, said, “We didn’t know how she was feeling. When she died, we all felt relief as she was in too much pain and there was nothing more we could have done. I love her and still think of her and miss her.”

Sonali wrote, ‘It is important to remember that relief and deep sorrow can co-exist.’

In most societies, there are rituals which help people to cope with death.

Mary Frances O’Connor, author of ‘The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Love and Learn from Loss’, states that mourning rituals can offer constancy and comfort when everything can feel uncertain. ‘By connecting us to rituals that have existed for hundreds of years, we are reminded that those who came before us have experienced grief and uncertainty and they have carried on and restored meaningful lives.’

The book also delineates the physical reaction to grief. These include aches and pains, nausea, headaches, loss of libido, lack of appetite, weight gain or loss, insomnia or sleeping too much. There is also a psychosomatic reaction. A person has headaches, constipation, chest, back, body, or joint pains, breathing difficulties, or feeling feverish.

But what is a fact is that you will never recover from the death of a loved one. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, a Swiss American psychiatrist who wrote the bestselling book, ‘On Death and Dying’, said, ‘You will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.’

Elisabeth spoke about the five stages of loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

There is another type of grief that everybody experiences, but nobody talks about it. This is called anticipatory grief. We imagine what will happen to us when a loved one, or a parent, dies even though the people are healthy at the moment.

It brings guilt to the people who experience it, so they keep quiet about it. But people experience this all the time. And there is nothing to be ashamed about. It comes about from a fear that there is limited time. And one day, inevitably, death will come calling.

Then there is disenfranchised grief. This is the grief that one experiences when a maid, watchman, a former teacher, or a pet dies. And the people around them cannot understand why their wife, father or friend is having this intense reaction to the death of an acquaintance.

It is a grief that is not publicly mourned or socially accepted. This grief can be socially isolating. Sonali went through something similar when a former client died. She did not know how to process the grief. A supervisor told her, “It’s okay if you haven't met the person for years, the bond remains. Allow yourself to grieve. Find a way to express what you are feeling.” So Sonali took to writing a journal and felt better after a few days.

Members of the LGBTQ community, who have not come out, have to suffer grief in private and in isolation when a partner dies. This also happens when you lose a pet. Except for pet lovers, the rest of society does not understand your grief. “Why feel sad? It’s just a dog. You can get another pet,” is the common refrain.

Other events which cause disenfranchised grief include celebrity deaths. When Hollywood star Robin Williams died of suicide, Sonali started crying. ‘He was my favourite actor, and I associated some of my fondest memories with his movies,’ she wrote.

Then people may experience delayed grief. This happens when a person dies by suicide, or drug or alcohol overdose. The spouse may be in shock for months. He or she cannot talk openly about what has happened. They may go through panic, anxiety, or fear attacks. It is only after a long period that they permit themselves to grieve about what has happened.

In the last section, the author wrote movingly about the culture of silence that surrounds people when a close relative has died. Once, Ravi, a 50-year-old whose wife died of cancer, entered his office canteen. He saw that all his teammates who were laughing suddenly became silent.

“I don’t know if they felt uncomfortable being happy around me because of what happened, or they felt pity for me,” he said. “But I had reached a place where I wanted to leave the organisation, as I was tired of these silences.”

Author Katherine May succinctly describes this feeling in her book, ‘Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times’: ‘Wintering is a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you are cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider. Perhaps it results from an illness; perhaps from a life event such as bereavement or the birth of a child; perhaps it comes from humiliation or failure.’ But all of us have to struggle through the darkness till we see the light again.

This is a book everyone should read, especially if you have encountered the death of a near one. You will understand with clarity the tumultuous emotions you are going through. And if you see somebody who is struggling to cope because of the death of a close relative, this is a good book to present to them. It will make them less lonely and realise what they are going through is what humanity has gone through for millennia and will continue to do so.

Whether we like it or not, accept it or not, death is an inescapable fact of life. We are born, we live, then we die. This happens to everybody and to all the people we love. There is no escape from this finality. But books like this are a soothing balm to apply to our pain and provide us with the motivation to live life again.

Or to paraphrase Sonali: ‘We have to learn to carry love and loss together.’

Published in kitaab.org

When a community dies

 

Photos: Queenie Hallegua at her home in Fort Kochi; David Hallegua with his mother; David and his sister Flory with Queenie; David with his wife Cici and daughter Eliana 

On August 11, Queenie Hallegua passed away at 89. She was almost the last of the Sephardi (White Jews) in Fort Kochi after a 500-year presence. Her son David Hallegua reflected on his mother’s death and of his life growing up in Kerala

By Shevlin Sebastian 

At 5.45 p.m. in Los Angeles on August 10, Eliana, 22, called her father David Hallegua and said, “Dad, I am in a panic. I don’t know what is wrong with me.” 

About 14,900 kms away, in Fort Kochi, at 6.15 am on August 11, David was feeling groggy. He was suffering from jetlag after arriving from Los Angeles. At 3 am, he went to sleep in his parents’ house on Synagogue Lane. Even so, he told Eliana, “You have not had enough water to drink.” Eliana did that. Then she lay down and felt better.    

As soon as David hung up, the housekeeper, Flory, came to his room and said, “I want you to check up on Mom.” 

David immediately went to his mother’s bed, and even though her body was warm, Queenie, 89, was no longer breathing. David realised that at the moment Eliana felt anxiety and discomfort, her grandmother had passed away. 

Queenie was almost the last of the Sephardi (White Jews) in Fort Kochi. Only her nephew Keith Hallegua, 65, a bachelor, remains. She was the wife of Samuel, a community leader and a prominent proprietor, who passed away in 2009. 

Queenie’s funeral took place at the Gan Shalom Jewish cemetery. This is near the Paradesi Synagogue. David’s sister Fiona had flown down from New York. 

“It was the end of that chapter of my life with her,” she said. “I felt relieved my mother was not in pain anymore.” 

Asked about his mother’s last words, David said it happened on his previous visit in July. He had come home when Queenie had taken ill with congestive heart problems. As David was returning to the USA, he told his mother he was leaving. “She looked at me and smiled,” said David. 

Then Flory told her, “Give your son a blessing.” 

Queenie placed her palm on David’s head and said, “May you get everything that you desire in life. May God bless you!”

David feels sad that the community has died out. In the 1950s, there were about 2000 Jews in Fort Kochi and Mattancherry. But many emigrated to Israel when the country came into being in 1948. “A lot of Jewish customs and practices have disappeared,” he said. 

David’s early life

David did his schooling at St. John De Britto’s Anglo-Indian High School at Fort Kochi. His best friend was Elvis D’Cruz. They sat on the same bench. 

When David and Elvis were in Class 8, they realised that both their fathers were students of the same school. They studied in the same class.

After 30 years, Elvis and David met again in Kochi in 2023. Elvis lived in Dubai for many years and had moved to Fort Kochi. “It was so good to catch up with Elvis after so many years,” said David. “Elvis again came to see me when my mother passed away.” 

After his Class 10, David did his pre-degree from Sacred Heart College in Thevara. Thereafter, he went to Trivandrum Medical College because he wanted to be a doctor. After completing his course, in 1988, he went to the USA for further medical studies. Today, David is a practising rheumatologist (the management of arthritis). His wife Cici is a chartered accountant while Eliana works at the Capitol Records music company.  

Asked whether because he was a Jew, he felt different while growing up in Fort Kochi, David said, “My original identity was that of a South Indian. I speak Malayalam fluently. It was my first language. But in my daily life, I am Jewish.” 

So David would not eat meat in a restaurant that was not kosher. But his friends, Christians, Hindus and Muslims understood and accepted it. In medical school, his friends would say, “We can’t go to that restaurant because there is nothing that David could eat there.” 

David said that all his friends would come over during the Jewish festivals, like Rosh Hashanah and the Shabbat. He also had a joyous celebration for his bar mitzvah. This is a coming-of-age ceremony when a boy turns 13 and marks his transition to becoming an adult. 

David celebrated the Onam festival in the house of his Hindu friends. He also enjoyed Christmas with his Christian friends and Id with the Muslims. Not to forget the Gujarati and Parsi festivals. 

Asked how Fort Kochi has changed, over the decades, David said, “It has become a commercialised tourist hub.”

David lived on the lane that led to the Jewish synagogue. “By 10 am, nowadays, the lane is very crowded,” said David. “Thousands of tourists come every day.” 

David remembered it as a quiet lane. “My sister and I would have impromptu games with other boys and girls,” said David. “It was boisterous and full of joy. The elders would get together and have a drink. Some drank liquor or soda, while others had soft drinks.”  

The Jews would have guests like Hamsa, a Muslim lawyer, Babu Seth, a Gujarati lawyer, a Parsi gentleman named Sorabjee, and a Hindu by the name of Sundaram. “It was a melting pot in one person’s living room,” said David

On tables and chairs placed outside, the women, including Queenie, played a South American game called Canasta (a type of rummy). “It was very competitive,” said David with a smile.  

When asked whether syncretism, after hundreds of years, is alive and thriving in Fort Kochi, David said, “Yes, everybody lives in harmony. They depend economically on each other. Nobody wants any trouble that will disturb the peace.”

(Published in rediff.com)

https://www.rediff.com/news/special/kochis-jews-pass-into-history/20241121.htm 

Some thoughts after my uncle passed away

 

Photos: Joseph Vadakel with his wife Rani, daughter Reena, son-in-law Monis and grandchildren Joseph and Rosina; the house in Muvattupuzha where my my mother and uncle grew up; interstellar space 

By Shevlin Sebastian 

When my mother was a child, she and her younger brother Joseph (Babu) would go for morning mass at the Holy Magi church in Muvattupuzha. On the walk back home, a distance of about 800 metres, at some point, they would start sprinting. Each wanted to reach home before the other so they could read the newspaper first. 

This was one of my mother’s most enduring memories. She would keep repeating this story over the decades, but she never told us who won, and we, self-absorbed children, forgot to ask. For my mother, the thrill was in the race. 

My uncle Babu Vadakel was an advocate. He practised for decades in the Kerala High Court. Babu Uncle was known among his family members for having a sharp brain, a quick wit, and a charming smile. His eyes gave this message: ‘I know what you are up to. You cannot fool me.’

My cousin Joseph said, “During our younger days, we would be in awe of Babu Chettan. He had smart looks and a stylish dress sense. Babu Uncle had an exemplary skill of blowing the smoke out in circular rings one after the other.”  

My conversations with Babu Uncle were interesting. I gained many insights.  

Life went on. However, in the latter stages of his life, his health broke down. 

On November 20, Babu Uncle passed away, aged 83, at his home in Kochi. He leaves behind his wife Rani, daughter Reena, son-in-law Monis, and grandchildren, Joseph and Rosina. 

Of nine brothers and sisters, only my mother, now 87, and her youngest sibling, Anthony, 76, remain. 

When cousins of my generation viewed Babu Uncle’s body, many had a shocked look on their faces. Some had a realisation that death was going to come to all of us. My uncle himself may have attended hundreds of funerals in his lifetime. Now it was his turn, just like it will be for us.  

Each time a close relative dies, there is a blow to the heart, followed by heaviness. And sometimes a thought arises: what is the meaning of our lives? Where do we go in the universe? 

Stereoscopic 3D filmmaker AK Saiber, my neighbour, has made a scintillating 90-minute 3D film for school students. It is about the solar system and the universe. The distances are all in lakhs of kilometres. The temperatures on some planets, like Neptune, are hundreds of degrees below freezing point. On Jupiter, there is a continuous storm every day and night of the year. It has been going on for centuries.

Saiber takes the viewer out of the solar system into interstellar space. Then the camera reverses and a voiceover states the Earth is too tiny to be seen from the outer limits of space. 

And then you wonder where in this vast universe the souls go. Where is their resting place? Considering the long history of the earth, could there be millions of souls? Where is Babu Uncle now? Has he met his parents, siblings, friends, and acquaintances who were on the other side? Can he see us even though he is not in physical form? Is there divine energy? Can Babu Uncle see God finally? Many people who had suffered a temporary clinical death spoke about sensing other people and silently communicating with them.    

When my uncle was in the last month of his life, he kept saying that he could see his parents and siblings. This happened to my father when he was nearing his death.

Hussain, 35, was the home nurse who looked after my father. He told me that in all the 24 deaths that he had overseen, in every instance, the parents and relatives had come in the final stages. It seemed they provided reassurance and to tell their loved ones not to be afraid. But none of Babu Uncle’s family members saw anything. 

So, does this happen? Science has dismissed them as hallucinations.  

There are many questions. However, we will not get any answers till we die and go to the other side.   

All these thoughts swirled through my mind as I stared at my uncle lying in peace in the coffin.

Serving the most backward people

 

Silpa P, branch postmaster of Chindakki Post Office, and Ajith K, assistant branch postmaster, speak about their experiences serving the members of the backward Irula, Muduga and Kurumba tribes. They live deep inside the Silent Valley Project Park in the Nilgiris

By Shevlin Sebastian 

At noon on August 7, Ajith K, 25, an assistant branch postmaster was returning on his bike after visiting a tribal colony in Anavayi. This village is 600 metres above sea level, inside the Silent Valley Project Park in the Nilgiris. It is about 10 kms from the Chindakki post office where he works. Sitting behind him was Hari, 30, a teacher who had hitched a ride from the hamlet (Malayalam name: ooru). 

The duo went down the sloping road. It was made of interlocking tiles, but covered at some sections by green moss. All of a sudden the bike skidded. The next thing Ajith knew he had fallen off the bike, with Hari holding on to him. Ajith landed on his knees. When he rolled up his trousers, he saw that the skin had scraped off from the knees. Blood trickled down. Ajith felt a throbbing pain in his legs. Somehow, they made the bike upright, and rode back to Chindakki.   

Ajith is now recuperating at a lodge. This is one of the hazards that Ajith faces when delivering letters to the members of the backward Irula, Muduga and Kurumba tribes. They live in Thadikundu, Murugala, Kadukumanna, Kinattukara, Chindakki, Veerannur, Thudukki and Galasi. In most of the places, there are no roads. So, Ajith has to walk to deliver the mail. 

While on his treks through the dense forests, there are always the dangers of animals. Elephants roam around apart from wild bison, tigers, bears, leopards and snakes. “A huge bear was sighted recently at Edavani,” said Ajith. “The photo appeared in the newspapers.”  

In the Bhavani river, near the Chindakki post office, when elephants come to drink water, forest officers burst crackers to make them move away from human habitation. 

“Nowadays, elephants attack human beings,” said Ajith. Last year, when a Jeep was travelling at night, an elephant attacked it and the vehicle toppled over. A few passengers were injured. Luckily, a few moments later, another vehicle was coming from the other side. They flashed their headlights, shouted and clapped their hands. The elephant, taken aback, trundled away before doing further damage. 

On a bund on a river near the post office, one day, people saw a dead tiger. It seemed to have hit a rock under the water and died of natural causes. At the back of the office, forest officers have regularly caught snakes like cobra, rat snakes and vipers. The locals keep dogs as pets so that they can bark and warn the people of the presence of snakes.

Ajith begins his day by collecting the mail bag from Mukkali, four kilometres away, and then he comes to the Chindakki post office to sort out the mail. Then he sets out by 11.30 a.m. By the time he finishes all his deliveries, about 35-50 letters, on an average, it is about 4.30 p.m. But he is physically tired. Then he goes to his lodge, on his bike to nearby Kaikundi.

The Chindakki post office has only two employees. Apart from Ajith, there is Silpa P, 26, the branch postmaster. Like Ajith, she is vibrant and energetic. 

Silpa’s working hours are from 8.30 to 12.30 p.m. She deals with money orders, registered and ordinary letters. Mostly, there are letters from the bank which consist of ATM cards. Then the Centre sends Aadhar cards, but they come in bulk. There are bank notices for those who have lapsed in their payments of loans as well as job interview calls and letters from colleges regarding admission. 

“The main problem is that even though the letters are less, as compared to other post offices, the delivery is a big problem,” said Silpa. “Usually, we could have called them on their mobile phones. But in the higher ranges, there is no mobile connectivity. There is no range, even 500 metres from our post office.” 

Apart from that, the seniors speak in the tribal language, which is similar to Tamil rather than Malayalam. So Silpa has a problem communicating with them. 

Most of the tribals come to the post office in a jeep which has other passengers. So Silpa will call one or two passengers who can understand the tribal language and know how to speak in Malayalam too. “That is how I have been able to communicate with them,” said Silpa.  

As for the elders, many of them do not know how to read or write. But now, the younger generation has had access to education. Quite a few have government jobs. “There are three government schools in the area,” said Ajith. “Most of the children of tribals attend the classes apart from outsiders, too. Their lives are improving.”

The tribals are mostly farmers. They grow millets, pepper, coffee and cardamom. At other times, they go to the forests to collect honey. Nearly all of them live in brick houses. These have been constructed by the government. “The houses in Anavayi are very clean,” said Ajith. “But in some places, it is not so well-maintained.”  

Asked about their diet, Ajith says that it consists of rice, roots, tubers, greens, herbs, and fish, which they get from the nearby Bhavani river. “Fish is a major component in their diet, along with seasonal fruits,” said Silpa. 

Mukkali is the place where the tribals go to buy provisions.  

On most days, anywhere between 10-12 people come to the post office to collect their wages or draw money from their savings account in the Indian Post Payment Bank. 

Even though Silpa is supposed to close the post office at 12.30 pm, many tribals, because they come from far distances, land up at 12.15 pm. “Since they come from far away, I cannot close the office,” she said. “It would be cruel.” 

For some it is difficult to make the trek. Those who live in the Galasi colony, which is way up in the mountains, have to travel 19 kms. First, they have to walk nine kilometres through the forest. Then only they can get a jeep to travel the rest of the distance. 

Asked about the weather, Silpa said that most of the time it is cold. “On most mornings, there is mist,” said Silpa. “When it rains it becomes cold. I wear pullovers most of the time. In December, I wear socks all the time. At night, I use blankets.”

On days when the road is blocked because of a fallen tree, Silpa walks the distance.  

She said the rainy season is the most difficult to tackle. Because of bad roads, once she fell from the Scooty on her way to work. Thankfully, a Jeep came after a few minutes. The driver got down and helped Silpa to put the Scooty back on its wheels. And she has to tackle a few hairpin bends also in driving rain. The best season is between December and January. “There are so many flowers,” said Silpa. “It looks so beautiful. It is like being in Paradise.”   

Silpa shares a flat with a postwoman Midula who works in Kalkandi, a couple of kilometres from Mukkali. They do the cooking together.  

She has completed over a year at the post office. 

“I have enjoyed my stint so far,” said Silpa, who had worked in a post office in the town of Kalluvazhi in Palakkad district. 

Asked the difference between townsfolk and the tribals, Silpa said that in the cities, people are shrewd, cunning and cynical. But the tribals are initially fearful of strangers. “But once you gain their trust they will open their hearts to you,” she said. “They will trust you implicitly. And they will accept and join all the government schemes that I tell them about.” 

(An edited version was published in The Sunday Magazine, The New Indian Express, South India and Delhi)

Smile and win the race of life

 

Former Maharashtra Chief Minister Sushilkumar Shinde, a Dalit, with the help of journalist Rasheed Kidwai, recounts his extraordinary life

By Shevlin Sebastian

Sushilkumar Shinde belonged to the Dhor caste. This is one of India’s lowest castes. Their traditional work was to cure the skin of dead cattle. This was used to make leather goods. His ancestors lived in the Osmanabad district of Marathwada. But his grandfather migrated to Solapur to better his economic prospects. He made leather bags and became affluent following the setting up of a business.

Shinde’s father, Sambhajirao, continued with the business and also did well. Interestingly, Sambhajirao married three times in his desire to have a son. Finally, the third wife, Krishnabai, asked Sambhajirao to marry her younger sister Sakhubai. The first three children died in early birth. But on September 4, 1941, Sushilkumar was born.

But tragedy struck the family when Sushilkumar’s father died on July 15, 1947.

This is how Shinde described what happened. ‘My father died, leaving behind a family unused to the ways of the world. Friends vanished, the business collapsed, and a day came when there was no one to support my mother and stepmother. Used to affluence and material comforts, my family turned poor overnight. Relatives and acquaintances offered their sympathies, but no one offered a helping hand.”

As for Shinde, his life took another direction. He became a thief. With a group of friends, they stole stuff from pavement dwellers. ‘Eating sweets and watching movies with the ill-gotten money was our favourite pastime,’ wrote Shinde.

Of course, one day he got caught. His mother urged him to give up this life, albeit with a slap. And Shinde did. He did odd jobs, like being a roadside vendor, working in a toffee factory, a printing press, and at the Wadia Hospital in Solapur.

All this is recounted in the book, ‘Sushilkumar Shinde – Five Decades in Politics’, as told to journalist Rasheed Kidwai.

As Shinde grew older, as a Dalit, he experienced caste discrimination. Once when he asked for water from a man, the latter asked about his caste. ‘His demeanour shifted upon hearing my answer,’ wrote Shinde. ‘He offered me water in an aluminium utensil, tilting it towards me from an angle so my lips wouldn’t touch the container.’ That night, Shinde wept and wondered how people could allow pets to wander everywhere in their houses, but not human beings.

On another occasion, he visited his cousin in Dhotri, ten miles from Solapur. Because it was so hot, he took a dip in the local pond. After he reached the house, people came and protested that a Dalit had defiled the pond. After heated arguments, a priest was called to purify it. ‘I emerged physically unscathed, but the experience left a permanent scar on my psyche about the obnoxious caste system,’ wrote Shinde.

It was only at the age of 20 that Shinde passed his Class 10 exams. Eventually, he got an arts degree (honours) from Dayanand College, Solapur, and an LLB from ILS Law College and New Law College, of the University of Bombay.

A friend, Subhash Vilekar, submitted an application form on behalf of Shinde for the job of a sub-inspector in the Mumbai Police. And to Shinde’s surprise, he got the job. Later, while doing police work, Shinde met a young and rising politician Sharad Pawar who persuaded him to join politics. So Shinde resigned from the police and went into active politics. Thereafter, Shinde tells the story of how step-by-step, through hard work, and having a pleasant personality, he ascended to top positions in the government.

Near the top of the heap

Sushilkumar Shinde regarded July 31, 2012, as a red-letter day. That was the day when Sonia Gandhi, chairperson of the United Progressive Alliance, told him, “You have to take charge of the home ministry.”

Shinde immediately realised that her decision was a testament to the opportunities the country provides to people from humble backgrounds. ‘Having started my career as a police sub-inspector many years earlier, my appointment as the home minister of the country was a fitting tribute to our vibrant democracy,’ wrote Shinde.

He describes the various crises that he dealt with. These included the hanging of convicts Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab. And he was the first to articulate about ‘saffron terror’. He met Kashmiri leaders, as well as those agitating for Gorkhaland in Bengal, and talked to Maoists without preconditions.

Shinde quoted a statement by former Prime Minister Manmohan Singh because it summarised the role of a Home Minister perfectly. “India is unique and a land of contradictions,” said Singh. “These contradictions often interact and give rise to factors that contribute to internal security problems. What are these problems?”

Singh mentioned poverty, unemployment, inequitable growth, resource distribution, corruption, the nexus between criminals, police and politicians in organised crime, lack of development, prolonged judicial process, poor conviction rates, caste, communal discord and hostile neighbours. “The order is random and each of these issues can have an impact on the country,” said Singh.

Shinde said that the government had strengthened the Unlawful Activities (Prevention) Amendment Act in 2012. However, he added, “I feel sad to see how it has been misused to curb civil rights and legitimate political dissent. That was never our intention.”

Shinde spoke about another red letter day in his career. On January 18, 2003, he became Maharashtra’s first Dalit chief minister. The Congress was in an alliance with Sharad Pawar’s Nationalist Congress party.

Just before Shinde took his oath, he saw India’s first Dalit Head of State, KR Narayanan, sitting in the front row. ‘Words cannot describe what I felt,’ wrote Shinde.

And in his first Budget, Shinde came up with a novel idea: to provide financial help to bright students from socially and economically poor backgrounds so they could study abroad. In the first year, six boys and four girls went abroad.

Shinde also focused on how, when the Assembly elections in Maharashtra in 2004 resulted in a fractured mandate, the Congress Party decided to promote a Maratha leader to the post of chief minister. Thus, Vilasrao Deshmukh became the chief minister. As a result, Shinde lost his job. But Shinde mentioned that he and Deshmukh had been close friends for a long time. So, he did not get upset or humiliated.

Subsequently, Shinde became the governor of Andhra Pradesh. And he has made a telling observation about governors today. “I feel that the Office of the Governor should never be politicised,” he said. “Unfortunately, this is very much the trend now, and this is harmful to our polity. The only solution for this is that all governors should try to stick to what the Constitution says, and maintain their freedom from party influences as the Constitution expects them to.”

In a section called ‘Mentors and Leaders’, Shinde spoke about how Nationalist Congress Party founder Sharad Pawar played a decisive role in his career, especially in the early years. ‘I am indebted to him in more ways than I can ever acknowledge,’ wrote Shinde. He also wrote about his admiration for former Chief Minister YB Chavan. Other leading politicians Shinde wrote about briefly include Bal Thackeray, Vasantdada Patil, VP Naik, V N Gadgil and AR Antulay. And there is a brief chapter on his relations with former Congress Party President Sonia Gandhi.

There is a smooth flow in the narrative. It’s an easy read.

In the chapters of his government career, Shinde has skimmed over the details, probably, for reasons of national security. But the refreshing aspect is that Shinde does not indulge in scoring political points or attacking people. It is a book without malice towards anybody.

Asked about why he is inoffensive, Shinde wrote, ‘A leader must combine a soft tongue and be tough at the same time, without hurting anyone. That is an approach I have always taken, and it has seldom let me down.’

In the foreword, Sharad Pawar wrote, ‘Sushilkumar Shinde embodies Lord Krishna’s mantra on how to address a challenging circumstance: ‘He who responds to every situation with a smile and never reacts with anger is the one who wins.”’

Now and then, Shinde gives us points of philosophy that can hold us in good stead as we tackle the setbacks in our lives.

Shinde quoted the late English singer Amy Winehouse (1983-2011). “Life is short,” she said. “Anything could happen and it usually does, so there is no point in sitting around and thinking about all the ifs, and buts.”

Here is another one. ‘I decided not to bear grudges against anyone,’ Shinde wrote. ‘Rather than wasting time and energy on negative thinking, I felt that I should make the best use of the situation.’

After reading the book, you realise you can go from the bottom to the top, provided you have will, determination and a positive attitude. Of course, you should be lucky enough to meet the right people at the right time. But that happens in almost everybody’s life. The point is how many take advantage of these breaks. Shinde did. And as a result, his life is a success story.

(Published in scroll.in)

People who live in the shadows

 

Journalist Siddharthya Roy, in his book, ‘The Company of Violent Men’, focuses on the nether world of terrorists, Maoists, fixers, spies, and people escaping from ethnic strife like the Rohingyas

By Shevlin Sebastian

In the preface, journalist Siddharthya Roy gives an indication of the people we will meet in his book, ‘The Company of Violent Men.’ They include ‘militants and refugees, clandestine agents and insurgents, reporters and wheeler-dealers — some extraordinary and some very ordinary individuals caught in circumstances that news headlines, including those of my own stories, have flattened them into convenient tropes of good and evil and us and them.’

Roy continues: ‘These violent men and women I speak of, some of them fight for faith, others fight for power. Many fight just to belong. But peel away the burqa or the badge, scratch the skin of a military officer or a mercenary, and the fears and failings that lie beneath are not so foreign from yours or mine.’

In the beginning, Roy goes to Dhaka to investigate who was behind the mayhem at the Holey Artisan cafe in Dhaka on July 1, 2016. A group of five men, carrying assault guns and machetes, carried out the attack and took diners hostage.

They belonged to the Jamaat-ul-Mujahideen Bangladesh (JMB), a home-grown outlawed Islamist group. Army commandos stormed the cafe. In the ensuing shootout, 18 foreigners died. All five assailants were shot dead.

In his search, Roy ended up in Bagmara (190 kms from Dhaka). That was where Siddique-ul Islam, who called himself Bangla Bhai (Bengal’s Big Brother) of the JMB, first set up his base.

He ruled the place with violence. Bangla Bhai forcibly collected taxes from the villagers. The JMB prohibited all non-religious gatherings. They did not allow public singing, playing sports, and plays. Women could not go out of the house without male supervision. And they held kangaroo courts where they meted out justice.

And Roy saw Musa, a victim of Bangla Bhai’s senseless violence. ‘Musa couldn’t really talk. All he could do was gurgle and squeak while froth gathered at the edges of his misshapen mouth. But he started his narrative with gusto through agitated gurgles, frothing, as his hollowed-out eyes grew big and small.

His wife, who had been standing behind the threshold to the cowshed, pulled the ghomta of her saree lower, came in and rolled up his mud-stained dhoti.’

Roy continued: ‘There were his broken legs. They were ghastly twisted twig-thin limbs with dried-up gashes of rolled back flesh.’     

After a while, the government reacted. The Rapid Action Battalion moved to Bagmara. Bangla Bhai was hiding in a shed. He gave up without a fight. Authorities hanged him in 2007 along with other members of his group. But the group survives.

Thereafter, Roy went to Kutapalong in Cox’s Bazar, to meet the Rohingyas refugees who fled from Myanmar following a genocide.

While talking to the mother of a little girl called Shaheen, Roy gave you an idea of how one’s life can go topsy-turvy in a moment. The family lived in Maungdaw Township. This was near the Bangladesh-Myanmar border.

The husband ran a successful farm. The wife was a beautician who ran a beauty parlour. Shaheen was born in 2011 and then the woman had a son in 2014. Life was going on smoothly.

Then the military launched a crackdown in October 2016. It lasted for the next few months. Soon, it degenerated into a genocide. The Tatmadaw (the army) burned her husband and son in their house. Shaheen and her mother had gone to see some relatives in a neighbouring village. And so they survived.

“These men were so violent and heartless,” Shaheen’s mother said. “Like monsters.”

They had no option but to flee to Bangladesh, carrying nothing. Now Shaheen’s mother was doing haircuts and threading for the women in the camp. 

In Cox’s Bazar, Roy encountered young Rohingya women at a brothel. They had entered the sex trade to survive. One of them, Inan, was a mother of four children, who had fled while her husband had stayed back at a town called Buthidaung in Rakhine State.

There was no news from him after a while. She tried sewing, but that was not enough to feed five people. But most of the men who coerced the women from the refugee camps to get into the sex trade were Rohingya men.  

This is absorbing on-the-spot reporting. No sitting in an air-conditioned hotel in Dhaka and doing phone interviews. Roy goes and sees everything first-hand, meets people, and asks questions. And then writes about it.

This seems to be rare. Roy mentions how Western journalists pay local reporters in places like India, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran or Kenya to write detailed reports for handsome money. Then they would pass them off as their stories, adding their bylines at the top.

Later, after he gets a grant, Roy goes to Germany. He wanted to find out whether IS fighters could use India as a base to fuel extremism on the subcontinent. Many IS fighters sneaked in after Germany allowed the migration of 10 lakh refugees from Syria.

But he felt they would fail because unlike in West Asia, where Islam is dominant, and the topography is similar all over, in India and other South Asian countries there was a multiplicity of religions, thought processes and the lay of the land varied from place to place.

‘The marshes of the Indus-Ganges-Padma-Brahmaputra would, in time, swallow the zeal of zealots as they had done so many times in history,’ wrote Roy. 

The scene now shifts to Chhattisgarh, where Roy goes deep into Maoist territory. He is keen to find out whether the Indian government was using drones to bomb the Maoists. He was also keen to interview Madvi Hidma, the legendary leader of the People’s Liberation Guerrilla Army.

Hidma had conducted many successful attacks on the security forces. However, information and access were scarce, despite many promises by various middlemen. 

In a village called Orchha, he met the locals who told them their biggest enemy was not the State, the Army or Maoists, but bears and boars.

One of them said they had planted some corn in a piece of land. The harvest was about to take place within a couple of days. In the night, two young men were keeping guard. Unfortunately, one of them, Monu, had brought along two bottles of mohua, the local liquor. 

One villager said, “Just before dawn, the rustling began. Monu had drunk almost all of the two bottles and was sleeping. I tried waking him up, but when he didn’t, I took my spear and threw it into the bush. I couldn’t see well — but I took a chance. Sure enough, one of the beasts squealed and started struggling while smaller ones grunted and scattered. Hearing the sound, Monu woke up with a start and, like Salman Khan, ran to fight the pierced bear. The boar gave him what he deserved. Look at him now.”

On Monu’s back, there were long scars. It ran from the back to the side of the chest.

Like Monu, others, even without getting drunk, had suffered even more grievous injuries from boars, including slashes across the face. 

From a distance, many of these villages in Chhattisgarh look picturesque. But it does not seem so when you get closer.

Here is how Roy described the odour in a village where no State official or security forces had stepped foot. ‘If one wished away the shit-smeared pigs running around in the background and ignored the smell of cow dung and pig droppings, the glade was picture perfect,’ he wrote.

Here’s another description from a remote village called Metaguda.

‘A young boy had just defecated some twenty metres from where we were sitting,’ wrote Roy. ‘The pigs got into a fight over who’d eat the shit even before the boy had properly stood up. The ones who didn’t get a share of the shit cake went back to the unwashed dishes piled in a plastic tub near us and licked little bits of rice off them.’

In Metaguda, where villagers greeted Roy with a ‘Laal Salaam’, they confirmed they had been the victim of bomb attacks by drones.

“It’s been happening for three years now,” said one villager.

However, they were reluctant to show the bombing spots because the Maoists did not give permission. Roy wrote, ‘Most rebel-held areas — not just Maoists — are harsh, hegemonic and arbitrary, and not even a semblance of civil rights is maintained.’

In the end, Roy left with no one showing him any conclusive proof of the drone bomb attacks.

Roy also met with ‘N’, a Rohingya resistance fighter, at a hotel in Cox’s Bazar. And this was how the man defended his activities to Roy.

“Are we the ones killing, raping, looting, setting people’s homes alight? Or is the Tatmadaw doing that?” N said. “And what they’re doing to the Rohingya in the Arakan will be done to the Kachin in the North and the Shan in the East? The pattern is clear and the tactics are the same. A small bunch of elite Burmese sitting in the palatial offices of Naypyidaw funded by the nacro-moguls of Yangon are out to subjugate every other identity in Myanmar.

“They claim to be protecting the nation, but, in reality, they are destroying it. They’re destroying the centuries of unity different peoples had. Tearing apart the very people they vow to defend. We are patriots. And we’ve proven it time and time again. It is the Tatmadaw, which is a terrorist organisation. That too has been proven time and time again.

“The real reason the Burmese are driving us out and burning our homes and fields is because we sit on one of the world’s largest oil and gas reserves.”

Roy continued to meet all sorts of people, including fishermen who transported meth by boat from Myanmar to Bangladesh.  

And in a chapter called ‘The Louts’, Roy confirmed what most of us suspected. In many of these groups fighting for various causes, there are a lot of criminals who join.

As Roy wrote, ‘Essentially, a lot of street thugs do their run-of-the-mill thuggery and pass it off as soldiering. Their banners — whether green, red, black or stripes and stars — are just flimsy covers for acts that would’ve otherwise put them in prison.’

And so it goes. This book highlights the nether world which ordinary people do not know of. Roy has to be commended for risking his life, and many times, he experienced physical discomfort and danger, but he always went to where the action was. Thanks to his experiences, he has learnt to be sceptical. It is a world that abounds in falsehoods and misinformation. But he remained tenacious and courageous in his search for the truth.

This book is an eye-opener. And a welcome one at that.

(Published in Kitaab.org)

The divine energy in human form

 

Photo 3: Author Dr. Chandra Bhanu Satpathy

‘Shirdi Sai Baba — An Inspiring Life’ provides an intimate glimpse of one of India’s great spiritual teachers

By Shevlin Sebastian

Village woman Baijabai Kote Patil was walking among the bushes in Shirdi. She saw a 16-year-old boy sitting under a tree, cross-legged, with his eyes closed, in a deep meditation. Something about the youngster struck her. He had a divine radiance on his face.

Baijabai rushed home, made some food, and placed it in front of the boy. But the youngster did not open his eyes. Finally, she asked the boy to have a little food. The boy obliged. He was none other than Shirdi Sai Baba. Later, he became one of the greatest spiritual teachers India has produced.

Shirdi Sai Baba was born in the 1830s. Many versions exist regarding the identity of his parents, but because of a lack of records, none could be authenticated. Apparently, he was born in the village of Pathiri and settled in Shirdi as a boy.

There was also mention that his father’s name was Abdul Sattar, but there was no conclusive proof. In 1916, the British Directorate of Criminal Intelligence (DCI) identified Sai Baba as a fakir and a Muslim.

Sai Baba meditated throughout his teenage years. As a young man, he treated villagers with health problems with medicinal herbs from the nearby jungle. Many people were cured because of that.

One day, a man, Nanasaheb Dengle, approached Sai Baba and told him he had no son. To get a son, Nanasaheb married for the second time. Nevertheless, there was no child. Sai blessed him.

Soon, Nanasaheb’s wife got pregnant. The news about this miracle spread far and wide. Nanasaheb became a devotee.

Sai Baba’s name spread to places like Mumbai, Aurangabad, Nasik and Ahmednagar. Soon, people thronged the town of Shirdi.

Nationalist leader Bal Gangadhar Tilak came for Sai Baba’s darshan on May 19, 1917. Because of regular visits by nationalist leaders, the DCI maintained a presence in Shirdi.

‘Sai Baba was purely a spiritual man who tried to help the needy and sought to evolve spiritually all who came to him,’ wrote author

Dr. Chandra Bhanu Satpathy. ‘However, except for the conjectures of the DCI, in their reports, there is no evidence that Shirdi Sai ever made any political predictions or advised any of his devotees on matters of politics or encouraged any sort of political activism.’

Dr. Satpathy has recounted this in his biography called, ‘Shirdi Sai Baba — An Inspiring Life’. A scholar, Dr. Satpathy, visited the Holy Shrine of Sai Baba in 1986 and became a devotee.

In Shirdi, Sai Baba settled into a dilapidated mosque. It was called Dwarakamayi. This is where he met all those who came to meet him. Sometimes, he would go during the day to beg for food from his neighbours.

At other times, he cooked food in a big handi over a fireplace made of mud and brick. Sai Baba would distribute the food to his devotees. On alternative nights, Sai Baba would go to sleep in the Chavadi, a sort of guesthouse which was 30 steps away.

What was heartening to read was the cooperation between Hindus and Muslims at the darbars held by Sai Baba.

‘In large congregations where Muslims and Hindus perform religious rites and rituals side by side, some critical differences crop up, especially regarding the technicalities of the methods of worship,’ wrote Dr. Satpathy. ‘However, in Shirdi Sai’s darbar, Hindus and Muslims stood shoulder to shoulder like loving children before a caring father. Muslims treated him as an Awliya or Pir or Paigambar, whereas Hindus adored him as Sadguru Maharaj or Avatar. Facing west, Shirdi Sai himself would recite the “Fatiha” or ask someone from the community to do so. Muslims offered him “shirni” (sweet or other dishes).’

Sai Baba wanted his devotees to break the barriers of caste, class, status, gender, religion and appearance. ‘The innumerable people who met Shirdi Sai included the rich and the poor, the educated and the illiterate,’ wrote Dr. Satpathy. ‘People of all ages, all castes, all religious affiliations, women, men, children came to him. Shirdi Sai Baba wanted his devotees to learn humility and never disparage others, regardless of their appearance and situation in life.’

Once a leper came for the darshan carrying a few pedas in a packet tucked inside a dirty cloth. Sitadevi Ramachandra Tarkhad, whose husband was the manager of Khatau Mills in Mumbai, was standing nearby. She twitched her nose, as the stench from the leper was unbearable.

The leper hesitated to offer the pedas. When he left, she had a look of relief on her face. Sai Baba noticed it. He called the leper back and took a peda. He asked Sitadevi to eat one too. She did so and learned her lesson too: treat people with respect, irrespective of their backgrounds.

In a chapter focusing on the miracles of Sai Baba, Dr. Satpathy tells the story of a deputy collector, Nanasaheb Chandorkar, a devotee of Sai Baba.

Nanasaheb was climbing Harishchandra Hill, in the Western Ghats, while on a pilgrimage. He felt thirsty. Nanasaheb prayed to Sai Baba, who was in Shirdi, 173 kms away. Sai Baba said, “Hello, Nana is very thirsty. Should we not give him a handful of water?” The devotees who were present could not understand what Sai Baba meant by this.

Nanasaheb saw a Bhil tribesman pass by. He asked the tribal where water was available. The man said it was below the stone slab Nanasaheb was sitting on. When Nanasaheb removed the slab, he saw water underneath.

After Nanasaheb completed the pilgrimage, he went to Shirdi. The moment Sai Baba saw him, he said, “Nana, you were thirsty. I gave you water. Did you drink?” That was when Nanasaheb realised it was because of Sai Baba’s omnipresence he could answer the distress call of his devotees.

Sai Baba had a brick wrapped in a tattered piece of cloth. He rested his hand throughout the day on the brick. And when he went to sleep, he placed his head on the brick.

Once when a helper named Madhu Fasle broke the brick. Sai Baba knew that the end was near. He said, “It is not the brick, but my fate has been broken into pieces.”

Soon after, Sai Baba passed away on October 15, 1918. Devotees said he attained Mahasamadhi. Hindus and Muslims conducted rituals in their way.

In 1922, his devotees set up the Shirdi Saibaba Sansthan Trust. This looks after the Dwarakamayi and other structures. The Trust continues to conduct all activities to this day. Approximately 30,000 pilgrims from all over the world visit Shirdi daily to pay homage to the spiritual master.

It is a book with many sub-sections and photographs. You get an understanding of the life and character of Sai Baba. Some of the other subjects that Dr. Satpathy tackled included the link of Sai Baba with Sufism, the concept of reincarnation, Sai literature, and the sayings of the preacher.

Here are two sayings:

‘Let anybody speak hundreds of things against you. Do not resent by giving a bitter reply. If you tolerate such things, you will certainly be happy. Let the world go topsy-turvy. You remain where you are.’

‘Those who take refuge in God will be freed from her (Maya’s) clutches, with His grace.’

(Published in kitaab.org)