Photo: Meeta Shah (right) with Esha
On July 11, 2006, Meeta Shah’s husband, Tushit, 44, died in the Mumbai rail blasts.
In Part 1, published in ‘The Hindustan Times’ on July 16, 2006, Meeta spoke about the immense loss that she felt, and described the chaotic hospital search for the body of her husband, and the gut-wrenching days that followed.
Here are the links:
https://www.linkedin.com/.../2006-bomb-blasts-railway...
In Part 2, she talks about the ensuing years. She describes how she struggled from deep despair to a place today where she has experienced gratitude, a measure of happiness and a spiritual awakening.
By Shevlin Sebastian
On July 11, 2006, seven bomb blasts devastated the suburban rail network in Mumbai. It resulted in 189 deaths and over 700 injured. According to the Mumbai Police, the terror outfit Lashkar-e-Taiba orchestrated it along with Pakistan’s Inter-Services Intelligence.
One victim was Tushit Shah, 44.
As the city struggled to rebuild and heal, Tushit’s wife, Meeta, 44, struggled to come to terms with her own trauma.
Immediately after her husband’s death, Meeta realised she had to keep her emotions under control. That was because both her parents were heart patients.
“I was told not to cry in front of them to avoid further health complications,” she said in an interview a few days ago.
One day, Meeta heard Tushit’s voice saying, “Meeta, Meeta! Please accept it. I am not there. Please take care of Esha.”
So, Meeta placed Esha on her lap telling her, “Don’t worry dear, I am here. Nothing will happen.”
Esha’s nervous system would become stiff and freeze (pre-epileptic stiffness). This occurred a few times before they took Tushit’s body for cremation. Esha was 16 years old.
Meeta suffered from the guilt that she was not there when Tushit breathed his last. Nor did she attend the cremation. “I told myself that I had to take care of my little one now,” she said. “Esha clung to me the entire night and did not want to leave me for a moment as well.”
After two months, Esha started travelling on the trains again. She always carried her father’s mobile phones with her. Somehow, one by one, she lost them.
Meeta said, “Esha, Papa wants us to free him and move on, beta.”
But despite saying this, Meeta would always look out for him.
“Somehow, it took time for me to accept that he was not there,” she said. “So, from the bus I would look out for him in the crowd coming out of the station hoping to get a glimpse, or wait for the sound of his bike.”
There were no bike sounds. Instead, for the next ten years, till 2016, Meeta suffered from nightmares. There were times she would awaken in the middle of the night, gripped by grief, and taking quick breaths, as if she was asthmatic. Through it all, Meeta was always aware of Tushit’s energies around her, especially when she crossed the rail tracks to go over to the eastern part of the town.
Sometimes, Meeta received miraculous replies and answers.
Once, Esha and Meeta were returning from the bank after closing Tushit’s account.
It was raining.
Esha asked whether she could play the radio in the car.
“Yes, of course,” said Meeta.
While driving, Meeta lost herself in her thoughts.
She whispered, “Tushit, where are you? Please talk to me and tell me where you are.”
Suddenly, the song, ‘Mein yahan tu kahan...... zindagi hai kahan? (Where am I? Where are you? And where is the world?)’ sung by Bollywood superstar Amitabh Bachchan and playback singer Alka Yagnik came on the air.
Oh, Tushit replied, concluded Meeta. This is not a coincidence.
Meeta stopped the car by the side of the road, got out, took a deep breath, and tried to quieten her racing heart. People only die physically, she realised. They are alive in another dimension.
Esha said, through the car window, “Mama, should I change the station?”
Meeta said, “No need, dear. It’s Papa telling me something.”
For Meeta, the song was so meaningful, as she released the clutch and pressed the accelerator.
Suddenly, she remembered their nicknames for each other.
Tushit used to call Meeta her Rekha [Bollywood actress] because of her dark complexion. Meeta would call him Amitabh [Bachchan], as he was tall, with a similar French beard and hairstyle.
One month later, when Esha had left to attend classes at the Patkar Varde College in Goregaon, and her mother had returned to her home, Meeta was alone for the first time in her house.
That was when Meeta took her bolster pillow and placed it in the same place where Tushit was last laid in the house. “Cradling it, I cried my heart out,” said Meeta. “I released a lot of my pain that day. I had to do it as it was all stuck inside my mind, body and soul.”
Though that moment eased her pain, Meeta discovered as the days went by, nothing could fill the void in her heart.
She said, “I lost the best person in my life, the family breadwinner, my life support system, my finance manager, my positive half, my soulmate, my child’s father, my best non-judgemental and accepting counsellor, a smiling and helpful soul, and so much more!”
Reflecting on their 21-year marriage, Meeta remembered she would often ask Tushit why he agreed to marry her.
“I am dark,” she told him. “In matrimonial ads, families seek fair and lovely girls.”
He replied, “Meeta, I was looking for someone I could gel with and have the same mental wavelength. I was also looking for somebody who was honest and smart. I was not looking for a fair girl.”
Meeta said, “I am grateful to the Lord that Tushit said yes. And I had the most wonderful relationship with my husband.”
In 2009, Meeta got a job as a psychologist and counsellor at the Narsee Monjee Institute of Management Studies, Mumbai.
She worked there for 12 years.
By 2010, as she settled into her career, Meeta experienced a spiritual metamorphosis.
For a long time, she had been angry at the Universal Energy for taking Tushit away so suddenly.
“I believe in karma,” she said. “For every action, there will be a reaction. I know nature will respond to those who have killed innocent lives as it returns what you give to the universe.”
Drawing on her religious beliefs, Meeta said, “I often feel sadness for people filled with angst and hatred. They have not seen love. I pray the Almighty gives love to all. And I also accept that God took Tushit away for a reason, which I will never understand.”
Meeta tried to get married, but somehow it didn’t work out. “There is nobody to match Tushit,” she said.
Her parents took it in their stride.
Her husband’s uncle led a branch of the Vinoba Bhave ashram, a spiritual community dedicated to non-violence and service. So, it was no surprise when he offered support by drawing on his philosophy of empathy.
He told her, “If you decide not to be in a relationship, I will not ask why. We trust you. We are with you. However, don’t stop searching. It’s important to have a life partner.”
As for Esha, she got a degree in biotech from the DY Patil College School Of Biotechnology And Bioinformatics. Simultaneously, she completed her diploma in patent law. Thereafter, she started applying abroad for her master’s degree in cancer research.
She got admission to an esteemed Australian university on a full ‘live-in expense’ scholarship.
Today, Esha has a PhD in cancer cell and molecular biology. She is working on managing projects for clinical trials. And is happily married too.
“I have a son-in-law who takes great care of her, and me,” said Meeta. “What more can I ask for?”
Meeta’s journey from grief to gratitude will make Tushit happy. At 63, it has brought her to a place of inner calm and tranquility. And her turnaround will inspire many who have faced similar tragedies.
“Eventually, despite many attacks on our spirit, love always wins,” she said. “That’s what Tushit showed me with the way he led his life.”
Here are the links:
https://www.linkedin.com/.../2006-bomb-blasts-railway...
In Part 2, she talks about the ensuing years. She describes how she struggled from deep despair to a place today where she has experienced gratitude, a measure of happiness and a spiritual awakening.
By Shevlin Sebastian
On July 11, 2006, seven bomb blasts devastated the suburban rail network in Mumbai. It resulted in 189 deaths and over 700 injured. According to the Mumbai Police, the terror outfit Lashkar-e-Taiba orchestrated it along with Pakistan’s Inter-Services Intelligence.
One victim was Tushit Shah, 44.
As the city struggled to rebuild and heal, Tushit’s wife, Meeta, 44, struggled to come to terms with her own trauma.
Immediately after her husband’s death, Meeta realised she had to keep her emotions under control. That was because both her parents were heart patients.
“I was told not to cry in front of them to avoid further health complications,” she said in an interview a few days ago.
One day, Meeta heard Tushit’s voice saying, “Meeta, Meeta! Please accept it. I am not there. Please take care of Esha.”
So, Meeta placed Esha on her lap telling her, “Don’t worry dear, I am here. Nothing will happen.”
Esha’s nervous system would become stiff and freeze (pre-epileptic stiffness). This occurred a few times before they took Tushit’s body for cremation. Esha was 16 years old.
Meeta suffered from the guilt that she was not there when Tushit breathed his last. Nor did she attend the cremation. “I told myself that I had to take care of my little one now,” she said. “Esha clung to me the entire night and did not want to leave me for a moment as well.”
After two months, Esha started travelling on the trains again. She always carried her father’s mobile phones with her. Somehow, one by one, she lost them.
Meeta said, “Esha, Papa wants us to free him and move on, beta.”
But despite saying this, Meeta would always look out for him.
“Somehow, it took time for me to accept that he was not there,” she said. “So, from the bus I would look out for him in the crowd coming out of the station hoping to get a glimpse, or wait for the sound of his bike.”
There were no bike sounds. Instead, for the next ten years, till 2016, Meeta suffered from nightmares. There were times she would awaken in the middle of the night, gripped by grief, and taking quick breaths, as if she was asthmatic. Through it all, Meeta was always aware of Tushit’s energies around her, especially when she crossed the rail tracks to go over to the eastern part of the town.
Sometimes, Meeta received miraculous replies and answers.
Once, Esha and Meeta were returning from the bank after closing Tushit’s account.
It was raining.
Esha asked whether she could play the radio in the car.
“Yes, of course,” said Meeta.
While driving, Meeta lost herself in her thoughts.
She whispered, “Tushit, where are you? Please talk to me and tell me where you are.”
Suddenly, the song, ‘Mein yahan tu kahan...... zindagi hai kahan? (Where am I? Where are you? And where is the world?)’ sung by Bollywood superstar Amitabh Bachchan and playback singer Alka Yagnik came on the air.
Oh, Tushit replied, concluded Meeta. This is not a coincidence.
Meeta stopped the car by the side of the road, got out, took a deep breath, and tried to quieten her racing heart. People only die physically, she realised. They are alive in another dimension.
Esha said, through the car window, “Mama, should I change the station?”
Meeta said, “No need, dear. It’s Papa telling me something.”
For Meeta, the song was so meaningful, as she released the clutch and pressed the accelerator.
Suddenly, she remembered their nicknames for each other.
Tushit used to call Meeta her Rekha [Bollywood actress] because of her dark complexion. Meeta would call him Amitabh [Bachchan], as he was tall, with a similar French beard and hairstyle.
One month later, when Esha had left to attend classes at the Patkar Varde College in Goregaon, and her mother had returned to her home, Meeta was alone for the first time in her house.
That was when Meeta took her bolster pillow and placed it in the same place where Tushit was last laid in the house. “Cradling it, I cried my heart out,” said Meeta. “I released a lot of my pain that day. I had to do it as it was all stuck inside my mind, body and soul.”
Though that moment eased her pain, Meeta discovered as the days went by, nothing could fill the void in her heart.
She said, “I lost the best person in my life, the family breadwinner, my life support system, my finance manager, my positive half, my soulmate, my child’s father, my best non-judgemental and accepting counsellor, a smiling and helpful soul, and so much more!”
Reflecting on their 21-year marriage, Meeta remembered she would often ask Tushit why he agreed to marry her.
“I am dark,” she told him. “In matrimonial ads, families seek fair and lovely girls.”
He replied, “Meeta, I was looking for someone I could gel with and have the same mental wavelength. I was also looking for somebody who was honest and smart. I was not looking for a fair girl.”
Meeta said, “I am grateful to the Lord that Tushit said yes. And I had the most wonderful relationship with my husband.”
In 2009, Meeta got a job as a psychologist and counsellor at the Narsee Monjee Institute of Management Studies, Mumbai.
She worked there for 12 years.
By 2010, as she settled into her career, Meeta experienced a spiritual metamorphosis.
For a long time, she had been angry at the Universal Energy for taking Tushit away so suddenly.
“I believe in karma,” she said. “For every action, there will be a reaction. I know nature will respond to those who have killed innocent lives as it returns what you give to the universe.”
Drawing on her religious beliefs, Meeta said, “I often feel sadness for people filled with angst and hatred. They have not seen love. I pray the Almighty gives love to all. And I also accept that God took Tushit away for a reason, which I will never understand.”
Meeta tried to get married, but somehow it didn’t work out. “There is nobody to match Tushit,” she said.
Her parents took it in their stride.
Her husband’s uncle led a branch of the Vinoba Bhave ashram, a spiritual community dedicated to non-violence and service. So, it was no surprise when he offered support by drawing on his philosophy of empathy.
He told her, “If you decide not to be in a relationship, I will not ask why. We trust you. We are with you. However, don’t stop searching. It’s important to have a life partner.”
As for Esha, she got a degree in biotech from the DY Patil College School Of Biotechnology And Bioinformatics. Simultaneously, she completed her diploma in patent law. Thereafter, she started applying abroad for her master’s degree in cancer research.
She got admission to an esteemed Australian university on a full ‘live-in expense’ scholarship.
Today, Esha has a PhD in cancer cell and molecular biology. She is working on managing projects for clinical trials. And is happily married too.
“I have a son-in-law who takes great care of her, and me,” said Meeta. “What more can I ask for?”
Meeta’s journey from grief to gratitude will make Tushit happy. At 63, it has brought her to a place of inner calm and tranquility. And her turnaround will inspire many who have faced similar tragedies.
“Eventually, despite many attacks on our spirit, love always wins,” she said. “That’s what Tushit showed me with the way he led his life.”
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