Building Bridges of Friendship

The International Interfaith Dialogue India is propagating love and respect for all religions in society

Photo: Swami Shankaracharya Onkaranand Saraswathi at the Cheraman Mosque

By Shevlin Sebastian

When NR Pillai, a retired assistant general manager of the Reserve Bank of India, was accompanying His Holiness Swami Shankaracharya Onkaranand Saraswathi, the head of the Prayag Peeth, on a visit to the Lord Krishna temple in Guruvayur, he received a call on his mobile. Dr. Mohammed Syed, a trustee of the Cheraman Mosque, asked whether Swami Saraswathi would drop in at the mosque on the way back to Kochi. The Swamiji readily agreed.

And so, on a sunny afternoon, there were several people present, including the imam, VM Sulaiman Maulavi, to welcome the Swamiji when he arrived. “He was taken all over the mosque,” says Pillai. “Thankfully, there was one person present who could speak fluent Hindi and hence he was able to explain to Swamiji about the various aspects.” Thereafter, the Imam presented the Swamiji with an English version of the Quran.

“This is the first time I am visiting a mosque,” said the Swamiji. “I am honoured to know that it is the oldest one in India .” The mosque was established in 629 AD in Kodungaloor.

The Delhi-based Swami Saraswathi had come to Kochi to attend a seminar on 'Religion and Human Values', organised by the International Interfaith Dialogue India (IIDI). The organisation was set up in April 2010. “Unless there is peace among the followers of different religions, there cannot be peace in the world,” says P.K. Shamsuddin, a former judge of the Kerala High Court, and a patron of IIDI. “Unfortunately, in the name of religion, many wars have been fought and much blood has been shed throughout history. Hence, there is a need to educate people about the common values shared by all the religions. That is the main purpose of the IIDI.”

So the IIDI conducts seminars and workshops and tries to sensitise the people to accept and respect all religions. “We invite people of various religions to come and speak,” says Shamsuddin. 

For the last meet, speakers included Prasanna Venkatachariar Chaturvedi Swamy, the founder of the Sri Ramanuja Mission Trust, Tamil Nadu, Fr. Albert Nambiaparambil, the Secretary General of the World Fellowship of Inter-Religious Councils, and Maulawi Jamaludeen Mankada, the Imam of the Palayam mosque, Thiruvanantapuram.

“Holding a seminar makes a difference,” says Shamsuddin. “It builds bridges among the different religious groups. There is a lot of misunderstanding. People think that Islam propagates terror. On the other hand, Islam means peace. As a result, there is a lot of mistrust.”

Asked whether there is a rising mood of communalism in Indian society, Shamsuddin says, “I don't think so. Undoubtedly, there are extremists who are propagating division and are trying to mislead the people, but India 's soul is different. The country has always welcomed all types of people.”

In AD 52, when St. Thomas came to Kerala, he was received with open arms. As a result, many people embraced Christianity. Islam arrived through Malik Ibn Dinar, and a team of believers, who came from Saudi Arabia in the seventh century and set up the Cheraman Mosque. 

“The people of Kerala received them warmly and provided them with all facilities, to spread the message of Islam,” says Shamsuddin. “Throughout our history, people have always wanted peace, tolerance, and communal amity. That is our great heritage.”

KJ Yesudas, who is an Ambassador of Peace for the IIDI, since its inception, says, “Endeavors, like the IIDI, are the need of the hour. That is why I have given my full support to them.” 

(The New Indian Express, Kochi and Thiruvananthapuram)

Tying a New Knot

After a divorce from film star Kavya Madhavan, two years ago, Nishal Chandra has married Remya Nath, a Civil Services aspirant

By Shevlin Sebastian  

On May 29, 2011, Nishal Chandra had reached the lowest point of his life. He had been granted a divorce from Kavya Madhavan, one of Mollywood’s top actresses, from a court in Kochi, following a brief marriage. For months, Nishal had endured a trial by media.

There were reports which suggested that Nishal and his family had ill-treated Kavya. On the other hand, there were allegations that Kavya had remained in touch with an actor with whom she has been reportedly close for many years.

So, it was with relief that Nishal went back to Kuwait. And the last two years have been quiet for him. “I concentrated on my job as a Technical Advisor for a bank in Kuwait,” he says.

In January, this year, his life began to change once again. A relative brought a proposal. The horoscopes were checked and it matched. So, Nishal met Remya Nath, a post-graduate in microbiology, at her home in Mavelikara. “What attracted me the most was Remya’s simplicity,” he says. “And we had a heart-to-heart discussion about what we both wanted from the marriage.” At that time, Remya had just sat for the civil service examinations.

Meanwhile, Nishal has learnt a couple of lessons from his previous marriage.  

“There is a strong co-relation between one’s upbringing and how successful a marriage can be,” he says. “Also, a marriage cannot work based on one’s person’s wishes. It is an adjustment between two people who are coming from different backgrounds. What makes it successful is the desire and the will to work it out by the husband as well as the wife.”

In this second marriage, Nishal will have to do a lot of adjustments. For one, just recently, Remya cleared the initial round for the Civil Services examinations, and she aspires to make it to the Indian Administrative Service. If that happens, she will be spending long periods in India. “The easy way out for me would be to say she should give up her dreams once she gets married,” says Nishal. “But that would be unfair to Remya because she has put in a lot of hard work, sacrifice and dedication to get through. And I respect that.”

Nishal has a solution: he plans to come to India often so that he could be with Remya.

The marriage took place on May 13 on the lawns of Remya’s family’s sprawling 23-acre farmhouse in Mavelikara. Remya's father, Surendra Nath, is a businessman. There were more than 5000 people present.

Later, the couple will embark on a honeymoon. “Most probably, we will be going to Barcelona and Madrid on a 12-day trip,” says Nishal, with a laugh. “Spain is a romantic place and I am sure we will have a good time.” 

(The New Indian Express, Kochi and Thiruvananthapuram)

Treated Like a Queen

COLUMN: Spouse’s Turn

Actress Menaka talks about life with producer Suresh Kumar

By Shevlin Sebastian 

When producer Suresh Kumar saw the actress Menaka, she was not even aware of it. Suresh, along with the director, Priyadarshan, had gone to Menaka’s house in Chennai to get her to commit for the Tamil film, ‘Karaiyai Thodathe Alaigal’. “My father told them I was unwell,” says Menaka. “Suresh told me later he saw me lying in the bedroom, wearing a pink chiffon nightgown. He said that since he was a big fan, he had wanted to see me. That was why he had come to the house with Priyadarshan.”

But they spoke often on the sets of the 1984 film, ‘Poochakkoru Mookkuthi’, in which Suresh was the producer. During the shoot, Menaka realised that Suresh was very finicky about what he ate. One day, after pack-up time, they returned to the Amrita Hotel in Thiruvananthapuram, where they were staying. While going up in the elevator, Menaka said, “Suresh, it is very dangerous to be so particular about the food. Before you marry you should take the girl to your home and get her taught by your mum, otherwise it is going to be very difficult for her.”

Suresh smiled and said, “So, when are you coming to my home to have a practice?”

That was when Menaka realised that Suresh had feelings for her. “I called my mum, told her what happened, and confessed my own love for Suresh,” says Menaka. “I liked him very much.”

But it was not going to be an easy match. While Menaka belongs to a conservative Tamil Brahmin Iyengar family, who are strictly vegetarian, Suresh is a Nair who eats non-vegetarian food. Anyway, it took four years before the marriage took place, at the Lord Krishna temple, at Guruvayur, on October 27, 1987.

For their honeymoon, Suresh had dramatically opened a world map and placed it on the floor. He pointed at several places in Europe and America, but in the end they went to Kanyakumari. In the car, there was Suresh, his brother, wife and son, apart from Menaka. 

Along the way, people from the film industry, like director Vijayan, Sanal Kumar, and P. Radhakrishnan joined in. The group reached Kanyakumari at 2 a.m. There were no rooms at the Ayyappa lodge that they went to. “Eventually, we got a servants’ dormitory on the terrace,” says Menaka. “Later, when we told this to Priyadarshan he showcased this scene in ‘Mithunam’, which stars Mohan Lal.”

For Menaka, Suresh is her star. “He cares a lot about me and the children, and my family,” she says. “He has a helping tendency. If a friend and I are facing some problems, he will solve the issues of the friend first. He knows that I will wait and understand.”

And, she says, Suresh treats her like a queen. “I have no work in the house at all,” she says. “I have maids hence I don’t need to suffer in the kitchen. Even for buying vegetables, I have people. But I would tell him that every 15 days we should go out together and buy some household things.”

They did it only once in a while because Suresh is very active in his career. There are times when he has his food, while Menaka serves him.  “But when I start having my dinner, he will leave,” she says. “So, nowadays, I lock the dining room door and keep the key with me. I tell him, ‘Please wait till I finish my dinner. I am alone. [Their two daughters, Revathi, 24, and Keerthi, 20, are working and studying respectively]. Please look at my face and go’. He laughs, but is helpless at the same time. He is just too busy.”

But there were times when they were together constantly. That was when they went on a four-month trip to the USA in 1988, as part of an All Stars programme.

The other members included Shankar, Shahnawaz, Prem Nazir, Kuthiravattam Pappu and Nadia Moidu. “The programmes would be held on Saturday and Sunday,” says Menaka. “During the week we went sight-seeing in places like New York, Chicago, Michigan, Los Angeles, and Dallas.”

But since Menaka only ate vegetarian food, there was a constant quest for it in non-vegetarian America. But many times Suresh would forget about it. “I was crying because I could not get my type of food,” says Menaka. “Finally, it was Prem Nazir who bought me many dishes. He said, ‘Suresh is a nice person, but he is only four years older than you, and that is why he is forgets. Whatever you want, I will get it.’” 

(The New Indian Express, Kochi and Thiruvananthapuram)

An e-mail to a human being

 

Dear Thomas,

I am your wisdom tooth. I am writing on behalf of the others: the molars, the pre-molars, the incisors, and canine teeth. Just to remind you: we live inside your mouth, but you have ignored us for years. When we were born we were milk white. Now we are mostly yellow.

Nights, to be frank, are a hell. Since, dear Thomas, you don’t brush your teeth, after dinner, there are food particles stuck in many crevices. These include strands of meat and vegetables, a thin piece of noodle, a bit of apple, and a dab of chocolate. We don’t possess arms to get rid of them. These fragments fester and let off a bad stink because they tend to burrow into the tiny gaps between the teeth. They affect the gums. They make us feel weak and tired. We lose the energy and when you have food we are unable to chew as best as we can.

During some nights, we feel like dying. Only when you wake up the next morning and yawn that we get the breath of fresh air that we desperately need.

These particles are the enemy within. But what do you know about that? You lead such a distracted life. Do you have any idea of the reaction of people who talk to you? They twitch their noses, they look away or step back, sometimes with a look of horror on their faces. And do you know why? Because you have BAD BREATH! But you are so engrossed with what you are saying, you have no idea.

Sometimes, we feel ashamed that we belong to you. You are cold and uncaring. If we had a chance we would have got out and found a hospitable mouth. We want someone who cares for us. We want someone who brushes his teeth twice a day, and uses dental floss.

I just want to tell you that you need to brush at night. It is more important than the morning. If you get rid of all the particles we will feel clean, fresh, strong and in a positive frame of mind. Use Colgate toothpaste: they are the best in the world to fight tooth decay. My grandfather and father told me that.

And for God’s sake, use a tongue cleaner. Since, at 18, you are girl-crazy, let me give you a tip: you will enjoy kissing more. And so will your girlfriend.

Think about it!

I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Wise Guy

(Also known as Wisdom Tooth) 

The Free but Dangerous World of the Internet

Children, as young as 10 years of age, are watching porn sites. It has a disturbing impact on them

By Shevlin Sebastian

Anil George was in Class 7 in a co-educational school in Kochi. One morning, before classes began, he rubbed his body against Seena Das. Seena complained to Miss Fatima, the class teacher. Fatima took Anil aside and asked him what had happened. It took some time before Anil told the teacher that he saw this action on a porn site on the Internet.

Fatima told Anil she would be informing his parents. “This is a serious issue,” she said. Anil immediately said, “My parents will get very angry. I don't know how I will be able to enter the house.”

When the parents came to know, Anil’s father, Mathew, understandably got angry and upset. However, he decided it would be best for his son to talk to a counsellor. That is how psychiatrist Dr. Janaki Sankaran came into the picture. “I had three sessions with Anil where he spoke about peer pressure about watching porn sites and the impact it had on him on seeing these images,” she says.

A patient Janaki explained to Anil that not everything that one sees on the Internet is good. She also made him understand why his parents were so upset.

During the third session, Anil felt comfortable enough to allow his father to come inside. As soon as Mathew sat down, Anil just flung his arms around his father's neck and started crying.

Appa,” he said. “I am sorry. It will never happen again.”

Janaki says, “This was one case which had a happy ending.”

Not many parents are aware, but children as young as 10 are able to access pornographic sites on the Internet. “If the parent has a smart phone, the child will take it, go to another room and access porn sites,” says psychiatrist Sitalakshmi George. “It is difficult to monitor them. They will say that they are talking to a friend.”

Unfortunately, it is very easy to go to a porn site. “Even when you move from one cartoon site to another, you might end up at a porn site,” says Sitalakshmi.

Another way is to go to Internet cafes under the excuse of doing class project work. “Children might go singly or in a group, to check out the forbidden sites,” says Sitalakshmi. “At school, there is a lot of discussion between the children themselves about the various porn sites.”

However Janaki says that nowadays some café owners have become cautious. “If children are wearing uniforms and especially if it is after school hours, they will insist that there is an adult present,” she says. “But there are also many who look the other way.”

So what is the impact of seeing these images on a child? “It is variable,” says Sitalakshmi. “For some children it is very disturbing. They get very upset. Then there are some who get curious. They want to see more. For others, their studies get affected. Those images keep coming to their mind and it becomes like an obsession. They are unable to concentrate.”

There are instances when boys develop sexual feelings for their mothers and sisters. “They might try touching their mother or sister,” says Sitalakshmi. “Even in their interactions with their female classmates they take liberties and try to touch them.”

Another impact is a sense of guilt. “This could be lifelong,” says Janaki. “The feeling of ‘I am doing something wrong’ will always be associated with sex, even when they have grown up and married.”

So what is the way to ensure that children do not access pornography at a vulnerable age? “I tell parents that they have to keep an eye on the child,” says Sitalakshmi. “They should be aware of who their friends are. They should know where the child is going, at all times. Parents and children should be talking to each other frequently.”

Parents and counsellors also have to explain to children that what they are watching on the net is not what happens in daily life. “Children do not know that the actors in the films are doing it for the money or maybe they are being forced to do it,” says Janaki. “Children have to be told that the sexual violence that is shown is morally wrong.”

The practical suggestions include keeping the computer in a public area of the house where everybody can see the screen. “Parents should insist that the children can use the computer only when there is an adult around,” says Janaki. “Also, parents should encourage their children to do outdoor activities, instead of being cooped up in front of the computer whenever they have free time.”

A frank discussion about sex will also help. “Children have a lot of doubts,” says Sitalakshmi. “So, parents should encourage the child to voice their opinions and explain everything honestly and sincerely.” 

Some parents do find it difficult to talk about these topics. “Then they should consult a child psychologist or psychiatrist who can easily explain these matters to the youngsters,” says Sitalakshmi.

But perhaps the most important is the need for sex education in the schools. “Classes should be given where not just scientific facts are presented but the children are encouraged to look at societal norms, gender issues, clarify their own attitudes and values and learn how to stand up to peer pressure and have the confidence to report abuse,” says Janaki. 

(The New Indian Express, Kochi and Thiruvananthapuram)

“George was obsessed with films”

COLUMN: Spouse’s Turn

Selma talks about life with noted film director KG George 

Photo by Manu R. Mavelil  

By Shevlin Sebastian

After Selma completed her four-year course in Carnatic music from the RLV College 

of Music and Fine Arts, at Tripunithara, her father, the famed singer, Pappukutty Bhagavathar,

also known as Kerala Saigal, took Selma to Chennai, so that she could try her luck in 

playback singing. Selma spent a year there, and then her mother Baby came to stay with her. 

When she saw Selma struggling to get assignments, her mother told her about 

a young director by the name of KG George. He hailed from Tiruvalla, the 

same home town as Baby. “We should ask him for an opportunity to sing in his 

films,” said Baby. One day, in Ashok Nagar, they saw him accidentally.

George wore a rose-coloured shirt and tight jeans. He had Afro-style hair, like 

the late guru, Sathya Sai Baba, and a thick black beard. “I did not find him 

particularly attractive,” says Selma. “He seemed like an odd character.” When
Selma told him she was a singer, George immediately said he had cut out 

three songs from his debut film, ‘Swapnadanam’. “In my films, there are 

hardly any songs,” he said. “In case I put in some, then I will call you.”

Next to Selma’s house lived the famous producer Shobhana Parameswaran Nair.

A month later, Selma had gone to Shobhana’s house, for some work, and met 

George there. “Later he told me that on the second meeting he decided he
wanted to marry me,” says Selma. “I was thin, had long hair and looked 

beautiful and demure.”

Soon, George came to Selma’s house and told Baby he wanted to marry her 

daughter. “My mother said that her elder son Mohan Jose, who lived in Mumbai,

made all the decisions in the family,” says Selma.

The producer of ‘Swanpakoodam’, Mohammed Bapu, lived in Mumbai. 

So George went to see Bapu, and ended up meeting Mohan. “I told my mother 

I was not agreeable to this proposal because George was a director and they are 

always having affairs with girls,” says Selma “I knew this from personal

experience. Whenever I would approach a director for a song, he would say, 

‘I will give you a chance, but we will have to do other things also’. I felt George

would be like that.”

But Mohan liked George and said yes. So, despite her apprehensions, the couple

tied the knot on February 7, 1977, at the St. Mathias Church in Chennai.

Today, when asked about her husband’s plus points, Selma says, “George’s only 

aim in life was to make good films. He was always reading, writing scripts, and 

remained obsessed about films. He lived in a different world and had no
interest in anything else. I had to run the household on my own. He is a great
director. Unfortunately, I cannot call him a good husband because he has never 

been one.”

Two aspects deeply affected Selma. One was his propensity to get angry with 

her during the early years, when he was going through intense stress while 

making his films. “He would shout at me a lot,” she says. “When my daughter 

Tara was in LKG [Lower Kindergarten] on a greeting card she wrote, ‘Today, 

my father got angry with my mother. I was very upset when I read that.”

The second aspect was George’s penchant for ignoring her completely for 

months together. “That hurt me a lot,” says Selma. “I stayed with him because 

I had two children, [actor-son Arun, now 34, and daughter Tara, 29, a 

Dubai-based flight purser].”

Not surprisingly, Selma thought of divorce many times, but could never take the
plunge because of the lack of financial independence.

The loss of a singing career has also been one of Selma’s biggest regrets. She 

sang in 40 films, and her most popular song was 'Saradindu Malardeepa' from 

the 1979 film, ‘Ulkadal’. “People have asked me why I did not continue,” says
Selma. “It is very difficult to have a career and look after the house and the
children at the same time.” 

At their home in Vennala, Kochi, George, 69, moves around slowly and 

unsteadily, after suffering a couple of strokes three years ago. Selma looks at him 

with a mix of affection and anger. When asked for tips to give youngsters who 

are about to get married, Selma says, “You have to learn to adjust. One person 

should compromise. If both people stick to their egos, there is little hope. 

You also need money to have a good marriage.”
 

(The New Indian Express, Kochi and Thiruvananthapuram) 

An Ustad in her Own Right

Scriptwriter-director Anjali Menon has won the National Film Award for Best Screenplay (Dialogues) for the film, ‘Ustad Hotel’. She is one of the more promising talents in Mollywood today


Photo by K. Shijith

By Shevlin Sebastian

One day, in 2012, scriptwriter Anjali Menon called up director Anwar Rasheed. The shoot of the film, ‘Ustad Hotel’, which she had written, was about to begin. So he invited Anjali to the location. When she arrived there, Anjali received a jolt. The scenes of a woman being pregnant and giving birth were being shot at the Beach Hospital, at Kozhikode. “That was the hospital where I was born,” says Anjali. “I thought it was a good omen. And this was the first time I was going to the hospital after my birth.”

When Anjali wrote the script, she was herself pregnant. “I told my friends that my son was the co-author,” she says. “I began writing ‘Ustad Hotel’ when I was carrying my baby and, by the end of it, he was on my lap.”

The film – about a young man, named Feyze, who works as a cook in a restaurant run by his grandfather – became the top Malayalam grosser of 2012. And now more accolades have come its way. At the National
Film Awards, announced recently, ‘Ustad Hotel’ got the award for ‘Most Popular Film’, while Anjali received it for ‘Best Screenplay (Dialogues)’.

“It is a bit ironical that I got it for dialogues,” says Anjali. And there is a reason for her surprise. Anjali, who grew up in Dubai, learnt to write Malayalam only in 2005. “It was my great desire to be part of Malayalam cinema that made me do it,” she says. So, the initial drafts were written in English and then a friend of hers did the translation. Thereafter she began working on the Malayalam version. 

“I worked on the dialogues over and over again,” she says. “And since I don’t know any big Malayalam words, I used simple language. And that touched people’s hearts. Perhaps that was why I won.”

She seems to have a good idea of what a winning script needs. “A writer has to pull the viewer into a world that is intriguing and interesting, and can keep their interest for two hours,” says Anjali. “I prefer to work intuitively. Initially, I have a strong sense of the characters and what they will do. But, after a while, they will take on a life of their own and I tend to follow them. And I am always surprised by their actions.”

At present, she is working on another script, which she will direct. It will be produced by Anwar Rasheed. Anjali has done direction earlier, based on a script she wrote. The film, ‘Manjadikuru’ (Lucky Red Seeds), got her the Best Screenplay Writer at the Kerala State Film Awards, 2012, and Best Director and Best Debut Director at international film festivals in Kerala, Germany and the United States. Anjali also directed ‘Happy Journeys’ for the anthology film, ‘Kerala Cafe’.

It is also a time of happy journeys for Malayalam cinema. “There is a creative ferment going on,” she says. “Earlier, there were different trends. At one point, films were technician-driven. Later, stars had a say. The new change is that the director has finally become the captain of the ship. His voice and creativity are predominant. It makes a big difference, because everybody is now following the vision of one person.” 

(The New Indian Express, South India and Delhi) 

“Every human being can make it big in life”

Santosh Nair, a self-help maestro, talks about his book, 'Eleven Commandments of Life Maximisation'

By Shevlin Sebastian

Motivational guru Santosh Nair is sitting in an office in Mumbai belonging to his friend Nikhil Naik. Suddenly a man, clad in a white juba and kurta walks in. Nikhil introduces him as his yoga teacher Manoj Padhye.

A sheepish Manoj tells Santosh, “I don't teach yoga much, except to one or two people like Nikhil. To earn a living I repair computers.”

Santosh says, “What is your passion?”

“Yoga,” is the reply.

“How much do you earn?” asked Santosh.

“Sir, I am earning Rs 10,000 a month,” replied Manoj.

Santosh then does something extraordinary. He takes out Rs. 1.5 lakh from his bag and says, “This is 15 months of your salary. At the end of 15 months, if you have not made Rs 1.5 lakh, I will give you double and a job.”

The end result: Today, Manoj is making Rs 1.5 lakh a month by running yoga centres in different parts of Mumbai.

“Every human being can make it big in life,” says Santosh. “He just needs a push, somebody to believe in him. If you can believe in people, they will be transformed.”

Santosh was speaking at a function in Kochi to celebrate the release of his book, by Jaico Publishers, called, 'Eleven Commandments of Life Maximisation'.

“The only life-transforming philosophy that I have believed in is that you should never be satisfied with any achievement in life,” he says. “You should always be in the pursuit of the next big thing, because dissatisfaction is the mother of progress. Dissatisfaction does not mean unhappiness. It means creative restlessness. You are restless to create the next product, or the next market.”

Among the eleven commandments are ‘Be a possibility thinker’, ‘Declare that you will be forever alive, ‘Be ready to be a loner’, ‘Live a life that is difficult to duplicate’ and ‘rock the boat in the middle of the sea’.

“This rocking means challenging the status quo, doing things differently, questioning the present, disrupting the apple cart, and changing the wheels of your car while driving it,” says Santosh. 

He gives the example of the Toyota car company. Their Qualis was selling 8000 units in a single month – the highest-ever sales recorded by a Sport Utility Vehicle. Toyota then decided to stop the production of Qualis and replaced it with the Innova. “And the gamble proved successful,” says Santosh. “The company has gone on to even bigger success.”

Another example is Sunil Kangane, who was General Manager in Siemens. “I told him he should quit his job immediately and try something different,” says Santosh. “Don’t listen to anybody. Just leave.”

Sunil followed up on the advice and set up a company called Invotec, which became a Rs 5 crore company in two years. “Rock the boat when you are at the peak,” says Santosh. “That will guarantee continued success.”

‘Eleven Commandments’ is a fluent, well-written and inspiring book, with pithy examples from the lives of the great like Steve Jobs of Apple, Ray Croc of McDonalds and our very own Narayana Murthy of Infosys as well as Dhirubhai Ambani from Reliance. 

“My book is all about how every human being can maximise and exploit his potential and achieve ten to hundred times more than what he is doing now,” he says.  

Santosh, a Malayali, grew up in Mumbai. At age 19, he joined Eureka Forbes and within months, he became their star salesman. Meanwhile, in this spare time, he was giving inspiring talks. He worked in other firms, but, in 2000, Santosh took the plunge and started his own company called ‘Smmart Training and Consultancy Services’. He has given talks all over the country and in Malaysia, Hongkong, Singapore and Dubai. 

“Today, I get paid Rs 3.5 lakh for three hours of work,” he says. “I aim to make Rs 1 crore for the same time.”  

(The New Indian Express, South India and Delhi)

 

The World of Maids

Maids talk about their experiences working in homes 

Illustration by Vineeth S. Pillai  

By Shevlin Sebastian

Pushpy Johny, the secretary of the Self Employment Women's Association (SEWA) organisation, in Kochi was worried. One maid, Thankamma, had been staying for months in an apartment in Panampilly Nagar looking after an old woman, Sarah Mathew. Usually, the servants are changed after two months. So Pushpy went to check.

The old woman told Pushpy, “I want this maid with me till I die. I do not want a change.” In the end, Thankamma stayed with Sarah for three years. And when Sarah died, Thankamma got a pleasant surprise. According to Sarah's dying wish, she wanted Thankamma to have her earrings. Apart from that, the family gifted a TV set to her.

Looking after an old woman is never easy. “I have to make them have a bath,” says a maid, Anju Santosh, 32. “Then make them eat. Give the medicines at the right time. Wash the clothes and keep the room clean at all times.”

Most of the women range in age from 80 to 90. “Some get very angry very quickly,” says Anju. “When people become very old, they become like children. But I have to manage them. I have looked after ladies who had cancer, and high blood pressure, but the majority are suffering from diabetes. So I have learnt to give diabetes injections.”

One of the problems of looking after old women is that you have to deal with excreta and vomit often. “Many of the maids say they cannot manage and opt out,” says Pushpy.

One of them is Lailamma John, 48, who has been with SEWA for 18 years. “I only work with pregnant women,” she says. “The main reason is that I love children. With old women, it can get depressing, So I have stayed away.”  

Lailamma, who gets a monthly salary of Rs 9000, stays at a home from one to four months.

Apart from looking after the baby, Lailamma also gives baths to the young mothers using Ayurveda oils.

Asked for the plus points of her job, she says, “Sometimes, the family I work for, gives clothes, or bits of jewellery. Relatives who come to visit the new-born child will give me Rs 100.” Adds Pushpy: “People have also donated money for a maid’s marriage or the building of a house, apart from the education of the children.”

Of course, it is not a smooth job all the time. “Sometimes, employers will not give me food at the right time,” says Lailamma. “Or they will give the leftovers of the previous day. Or the food will be too little.” Thanks to the mobile phone, Lailamma will call up Pushpy and inform her. She will then give a call to the family and, in a polite way, voice the complaints. “Most of the time things get set right,” says Pushpy.

Of course, in this job, one major hazard is sexual harassment. “If a maid complains of this, we will immediately withdraw her, call the family to our office, return the registration fees and have nothing to do with them again,” says Pushpy.

Interestingly, Pushpy rarely goes to the police. “It is too time-consuming to file a complaint and to follow up on it,” she says.

But instance of sexual harassment are rare. “Men know that the maids belong to a women’s organisation and if we want, we can create a lot of problems for them,” says Pushpy. “Hence, they behave properly most of the time.”

And this is the case of those who do not work under the umbrella of SEWA. The Chembumukku-based Baby Amma, 48, who has two college-going children, has been operating on her own for the past eight years, ever since her husband died. “I have worked in several houses,” she says. “But, so far, I have not had any problems. And even my friends have said that they have not faced any problems.” 

The only problem Baby Amma faces is when she tries to take leave to go for weddings and to get her widow’s pension from her home town of Kozhikode. “Sometimes, it is my fault,” says Baby Amma. “I will ask for leave at the last moment. And that can create a problem. My madam, Lakshmi, is working, so she will get delayed, as she has to cook the food for her husband and children, before she leaves for work.”

Meanwhile, at the SEWA office, Pushpy is fielding calls all the time. “The demand for maids is more than the supply,” says Pushpy. “That is because several of the young maids have gone to Bangalore or Chennai where they get salaries of Rs 10,000 and upwards by working in the homes of young people who are employed in the IT companies. So, in Kerala, we have less and less people to do these kind of jobs.”

(The New Indian Express, Kochi and Thiruvananthapuram) 

The Celluloid Star

COLUMN: Spouse's Turn
 

Sabura talks about life with film director Kamal

Photo by Mithun Vinod

By Shevlin Sebastian

One of Sabura’s enduring memories of her first cousin, Kamal, was when they both went, along with family members, to see the film, ‘Nellu’ in the Ragam Theatre in Thrissur, just after she finished her Class 10 exams. “From a young age, Kamal wanted to be a director,” says Sabura.

When Sabura was studying for her BA course in Vimala College at Thirssur in 1980, she received the proposal of marriage from Kamal. “My father found Kamal to be a good and loving boy,” says Sabura. “So he said yes. I also liked him. In those times, it was common to marry first cousins.”

They got married on November 29, 1981, at a hall in Kodungaloor. For their honeymoon, the couple went to Kanyakumari. “I remember we would take long walks on the beach and have ice-creams. And Kamal would tell me about his dreams of being a director,” says Sabura. “I had no doubts he would make it. He was talented and obsessed with the desire to make a mark.”

A week into her marriage, Sabura had to join work as a teacher at Ponnani. She did so but began missing Kamal at once. “There were no mobile or easily accessible land phones,” she says. In desperation, she met the principal and asked for a day’s leave. He gave permission. “Immediately, I sent a telegram to Kamal stating that I am coming,” says Sabura. “When Kamal saw me he was shocked as well as thrilled. And we had a big laugh when the telegram arrived only after I had
reached.”

Asked about her husband’s plus points, Sabura says, “Kamal is sincere in his work and relationships. He is dedicated to his art. He spent one-and-a half years on the film, ‘Celluloid’, dong the research,
writing the script and getting everything right.”

Not surprisingly, the film became a hit. “When a film does well, my husband becomes ecstatic,” says Sabura. “He will hug me and the children, my son and daughter, with a great joy on his face.”

Therefore, for this intense person, when a film is labeled a flop, he becomes moody and silent. “Kamal will brood over what went wrong,” says Sabura. “I tell him this happens in every filmmaker’s career and try to cheer him up.”

But there is an underlying strain on Kamal these days because of the changing audience. “It is predominantly young,” says Sabura. “Their tastes are unusual. The young directors are providing something different to what Kamal is offering. He has a fear that he will not be able to communicate with this youthful crowd.”

Clearly, being the wife of a creative person is not easy. One drawback for Sabura is that Kamal is absent for a long time when shooting is going on. “Once work begins, he forgets all of us,” she says. “It does not upset me, on the rational level, because I know that a director needs this focus if he wants to make a good film. But, at the same time, on the emotional level, and as a wife and mother, I do get upset when he is not around.  Sometimes, when the children need him, he is absent.”

Sabura has to manage the house, look after the kids and handle her career responsibilities. She is the head of the department of English in the MES Asmabi College at Kodungaloor. “I do feel the pressure,”
she says. “And there are times when I am unable to share it with Kamal.”

However, the sharing happens when Kamal is between films. On a day when Kamal is not shooting, he will get up at 7 a.m., at their home in Kodungaloor, have a cup of tea and read the newspaper.  “During the day, he writes his columns for magazines and reads a lot,” says Sabura. “He likes fiction as well as non-fiction. The last book he read was MP Verendra Kumar’s ‘Hymavatha bhoovil’.”

Lunch is a simple meal of rice, fish and vegetables, which the servant lays out on the table. Sabura returns from college at 3.45 p.m. Then they have tea together. “Sometimes we will go out to visit relatives or have a chat with the children,” she says. After dinner the habit is to watch films on the home theatre. “Kamal has a good collection of world classics,” says Sabura.  “We usually watch till 12.30 a.m. However, there are occasions when I go off to sleep earlier, since I have to go to college the next day.”

Like all marriages, there are ups and downs, but there is no denying the love Kamal and Sabura have for each other, which can be easily seen in their interaction at their apartment in Edapally, Kochi.

Asked for tips for an enduring marriage, Sabura says, “Adjustment, mutual love and dedication are needed to make a relationship successful.”

(The New Indian Express, Kochi and Thiruvananthapuram)