A.
Aneesh is Hindu and Indian. Erica Bornstein is Jewish and American.
They met when they were graduate students at the University of
California in Irvine in 1994. “We were attracted to each other from
the beginning,” says Erica. “But there were mixed signals.”
Erica was chatting up Aneesh at a graduate student party, but
suddenly he moved away to talk to another girl. “That put me off,”
says Erica.
Aneesh
defends himself by saying, “My mind was in a daze. I had just come
from Delhi and was suffering from culture shock.” Anyway, it took
them a year to start dating and they finally got married on March 9,
1998. Today, Aneesh is Associate Professor in the Department of
Sociology and Global Studies at the University of Wisconsin, while
Erica is Associate Professor of anthropology in the same college.
Both
were spotted, along with their 11-year-old son Elijah, at the
exhibition centre during the recent Bharatiya Pravasi Devas at Kochi.
Asked how difficult it was to bridge the gap between two ancient
cultures, Erica says, “It is an ongoing adventure. Jewish culture,
like the Indian one, is 5000 years old. We are merging the two. So,
we celebrate Passover, and Diwali. Our son Elijah is growing up with
two sets of festivals and is happy about that.”
When
Elijah was asked whether he was confused he shook his head. “He is
enjoying 10,000 years of history,” says Erica. But how does Elijah
tackle the fact that Hinduism has 33 crore Gods, while Judaism has
one? Erica smiles and says, “That is the challenge for my son's
generation,” she says. “He is a Hinjew and will find his way.”
And
contrary to assumptions, that it must be boring, when two spouses are
in similar professions, and are intellectual and academic, at the
same time, Aneesh says, “Yes, even I thought it would be nice if my
wife was in a different profession. But I find that we are enjoying
ourselves more because we are in similar jobs. We enjoy a mental
wavelength and can talk shop all the time.”
Erica
adds, “We are the most adjusted among the people we know because we
knew there would be problems, so we worked hard at our marriage and
never took anything for granted. As academics we analyse everything
to death, and the problem goes away.”
Aneesh
says that his siblings have all married Indian women. “But I don't
think it is easier for them,” he says. “Marriage is never an easy
thing.”
Aneesh
remembers the time when Elijah was two years old. “I am vegetarian,
and Erica was feeding him chicken soup,” says Aneesh. “I said no.
There was a fight, but I eventually gave in.”
But, sometimes, Erica makes adjustments too. She cooks vegetarian dishes for Aneesh, including rice and lentils, while she makes Indian-style chicken curry for herself. “Sometimes I cook for Erica,” says Aneesh. “In fact, both of us are so busy we need a wife.” And they burst out laughing.
For
Erica, the first time she came to India, in April, 1999, was her most
memorable experience. “When I walked out of the door at Delhi
airport I saw more people in one minute than I have seen in my
entire life,” she says. “I realised this is a different world. I
had lived in Africa and Latin America, but the population density of
India was unbelievable.”
And,
not surprisingly, the men have put her off repeatedly. “There is a
lot of male aggression in the north,” she says. “In Delhi, men
have made vulgar, obscene gestures at me. So, it is nice to be in a
place [Kochi] where the men are decent and well-behaved.”
Asked
to compare the people in India and America, Aneesh says, “In India
people know how to relate to each other. I just met a friend, A.P.
Singh, after 20 years. We hugged each other and it seemed as if I had
known him forever.”
In
contrast, there is more warmth among strangers in America. “If you
are dying by the side of the road, people who don't know you will
come and help,” says Aneesh. “There is a great respect for
individuals. You are given a lot of space. As a result, you might
feel alienated. Because they show courtesy to the people, they
will not throw rubbish on the streets, as they do here. They like to
respect the collective public space.”
(The New Indian Express, Kochi and Thiruvananthapuram)
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