COLUMN: Spouse's Turn
Mariamma
talks about life with the senior bureaucrat VJ Kurian
Photo by Mithun Vinod
By
Shevlin Sebastian
A few
months after the completion of the Cochin International airport at
Nedumbaserry, on June 10, 1999, the officers of the Indian
Administrative Service held a function, at Thiruvananthapuram, to
felicitate VJ Kurian, the man behind the show.
At
the event, J. Lalithambika, who later retired as Additional Chief
Secretary, said, “This is perhaps the only occasion where we will
honour a fellow IAS officer.”
And
that has turned out to be true. “It was one of the happiest moments
of my life,” says Mariamma Alappat, the wife of VJ Kurian. “Some
officers apologised publicly for making fun of Kurian at that time.
One had even said, 'A bullock cart will not be able to land there'.”
During those years Mariamma went through a trying time. “My husband faced so many difficulties, but, amazingly, he remained optimistic throughout,” says Mariamma. “Many people regarded the idea of public-private participation as a joke. Today, everybody is following it.”
When
Mariamma would read criticism about her husband by politicians and
others in the newspapers or see it on TV, she would get very
agitated. “Sometimes, I would call Kurian up, and tell him about
it,” she says. “But Kurian always looked at the positive side,
and told me not to worry.”
One
advantage for Kurian was that the media, on their own, offered
whole-hearted support. “That made a big difference,” says
Mariamma.
Looking
back, Mariamma has learnt some lessons. “If a government servant is
sincere, honest, and true to his work, there is no long-term harm,”
she says. “He might suffer a setback or two, but will come up
again.”
And
yes, Kurian is back on top. Apart from being the Managing Director of
the Cochin International Airport Limited, which recently declared a
profit of Rs. 124 crore, he is the Additional Chief Secretary (Water
Resources and Aviation), as well as a Director of the Kochi Metro
Rail Limited. As a result, the Kochi-based Kurian is spending four
days in Thiruvananthapuram every week.
Clearly,
Kurian possesses character traits that have led to success. “He
always tackles problems and setbacks in a calm manner,” says
Mariamma. “In fact, in 28 years of marriage, although it is amazing
to say, he has never lost his temper with me.”
Other
qualities: “My daughter says, 'Whatever you ask Appa, he will not
say 'no',” says Mariamma. “'Instead, he will always say, 'Let's
see.' Kurian is not rigid, but in the end he does what is right.
There are many husbands who say a loud no at the beginning of a
request and then say yes in the end. That upsets everybody.”
Perhaps
Kurian’s best quality is that even when he had very little time he
gave a lot of attention to Mariamma and the children. “My children
think very highly of their father,” says Mariamma. “When my
daughter was a child, she loved a particular type of hair band. Once
when Kurian went to Dubai, he walked on the streets for a long time
before he could locate the particular hair band that she wanted. My
daughter was very happy when she got it.”
However,
it was not happy going all the time. Mariamma is frank enough to
admit that she was perturbed, at times, in the early years. “Kurian
has never attended a single PTA (Parent-Teacher Association) meeting
of our children, Joseph and Elizabeth,” says Mariamma. “Work
always came first. After that, came the family.”
Because
of his busy schedule, he also could not attend many family functions.
“So our relatives would get upset,” says Mariamma. “When there
were medical emergencies of the children I had to handle it on my
own.”
But a
wise Mariamma says, “I realise now that these were temporary
difficulties. In the long run, everything has turned out well,
including our children.”
Joseph,
26, is doing his Masters in Surgery (Ophthalmology) at Pariyaram
Medical College, in Kannur, while Elizabeth, 19, is doing her
first-year MBBS at the Government Medical College in Kalamassery.
“One
reason why both took medicine, instead of the IAS, is because my
father, Paul Alappat, was a doctor and had inspired them,” says
Mariamma, who had herself secured the fifth rank for B.Sc Maths at
Calicut University.
Meanwhile,
both husband and wife find solace in the two farms they have in
Kuttanad, where they grow cocoa, bananas and coconuts. “Kurian is
the happiest at the farms,” says Mariamma. “He looks relaxed and
peaceful. I think there is a farming gene in him. His father, Joseph
Vattavayalil, a
prominent lawyer in Pala, was also a farmer.” And the farms, like
the airport, are making a good profit every year.
Finally,
when asked for tips for an enduring marriage, Mariamma says, “You
should have an unselfish attitude. Nowadays, girls don't have that.
At the end of the day, a wife has to make more compromises than the
husband.”
A
good communication between husband and wife is also important. “Even
half an hour a day is enough,” she says. “You also need the
presence of God in your marriage to make it successful.”
(The New Indian Express, Kochi and Thiruvananthapuram)
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